Dealing With Friends Who Have Different Political Views

Mostly when you make friends with people, you focus on what you have in common

7 min readMar 2, 2021

You can appreciate the sense of humor, friendliness, taste in music, or your friends’ willingness to help you in an emergency. However, it can happen that your friends have different political attitudes than you. Having friends like this will help you if you focus on what you have in common and learn to avoid political conversations.

Method 1 of 3: Tolerate different political views

Practice listening carefully

A good friend has a genuine interest in finding out as much as possible about his friend’s point of view. If you are really serious about cultivating friendship, show an interest in the everyday life and experiences of your friend. Your questions should reflect this deep interest and don’t get caught up in discussions about political likes and dislikes.

Explore your friend’s perspective by asking open-ended questions.
Think out loud about what was said and ask questions to show that you understand what was said.

Be careful of “selective listening.”

Political beliefs are sensitive personal issues and are easy to react with emotionally. When people are engaged in political discussions, it is likely that they are not listening properly, instead; they are only listening selectively in order to contradict what is being said.

If you try to use the word “but” in your conversation, chances are you’re not listening properly.
Remember that if you tell your friend that he is wrong, it is unlikely that you will change your friend’s mind or improve your friendship.

Don’t change your friend’s mind

Since political beliefs are based on interpreting facts, you will not convince your counterpart if you quote experts who share your opinion. This only leads to your friend citing experts to back up their point of view.

You will not convince your friend that he is wrong and that you are right by citing experts or using survey results to show how many people agree with your opinion.
If it is a topic that is important to you because of your values, it is enough if you let the other person know what your own beliefs are. If the other person then wants to learn more, they can ask you.

Avoid imposing your political beliefs on your friends

It’s no fun talking to someone whose beliefs are established. Political conversations between friends are not about who is right or not. Instead, it’s a way to have a good, thoughtful conversation.

It helps to understand that a person’s political views are linked to their sense of identity.
If you focus on “winning” the conversation, no one is going to have fun. Instead of wanting to change your boyfriend’s mind on a political issue, make the conversation easy so that both of you can enjoy it.

Be careful on social media with your feed or timeline

After all, you don’t want to find your own feed full of opinions that you don’t share, so make sure you don’t do the same to others. It’s okay to post a political statement occasionally, but you don’t have to express your opinion every day.

You shouldn’t write anything that is mean or belittles the opposing view.
If your friend posts a lot of political topics that you disagree on, then it’s okay to hide the feed. That way you can focus more on your real friends.

Accept that you have different opinions

If you notice yourself getting emotional during a conversation, it’s a good idea to take a break. Knowing when to end a conversation before saying something you regret later can save a friendship.

If your friend tries to end the conversation with you, don’t force them to continue. When the conversation is no longer fun, it’s time to end it.
Remember, whatever your political differences, your friendship is more important.

Method 2 of 3: Focus on common interests

Treat your friend with respect.

Put yourself in your friend’s shoes and imagine what he’s thinking about. It is better to think about why the person has these views rather than reacting angrily. Ultimately, most people want the same thing: personal security, economic prosperity, and social stability. Different political perspectives just have different ideas on how to achieve these goals.

Remember, your friends don’t have to take your point. Don’t take it personally if they have different political views.
It is easy to be dominated by something that is very important to you but focus on the qualities that led to the friendship being born.

Start a conversation

If avoiding political issues puts your friendship at risk, find time to have a respectful conversation. Listen curiously and be open to what is said.

Keep in mind that if you don’t get your opinions out there, you will probably learn something new.
However, if your friend is showing an interest in learning more about your own point of view, talk about it in a way that shows that you have listened to your friend.

Emphasize the positive

If your friend loves a politician who you dislike, find the aspects of the politician that you can also respect. If you (mistakenly) attribute negative motives to the politicians your friend likes, it can damage your friendship.

Even if you have very little value in a particular politician, there will be something you like about him or her. Maybe he has a dog and you like dogs, or maybe she went to the same university as you.
It’s about getting the best out of the opposite political perspective so that the friendship can continue.

Method 3 of 3: Mend your friendship again after an argument

First, calm down a little

If you are still upset about an argument with your boyfriend, wait until you have calmed down a little before making an offer of peace. Otherwise, your words won’t feel authentic.

It can also be good for your friend to have a little time to calm down. However, you shouldn’t wait for him to get in touch with you again. When you’re ready to leave the past alone, give your friend a call.
Take the time to consider your friend’s point of view and ask yourself why they might hurt you. Thinking about the reason your friend is angry or hurt can lead to a more open conversation.

Ask yourself if you should apologize.

If you look at the argument from your friend’s perspective, your own action may also look different. You may find that you were acting unnecessarily mean or hurtful.

Even if your friend misbehaved, that shouldn’t stop you from carefully evaluating your own role in the disagreement. No matter what your friend did, you are still responsible for your own statements and actions.
Think about what you want to apologize for beforehand and be as specific as possible about it.

Don’t hold on to your anger

When you are talking to your boyfriend, let the person you are talking to know that you are ready to distance yourself from all the negative feelings that the argument has created. Disagreements among friends are normal, but that doesn’t mean the end of your friendship.

Prepare to say anything you want to say. But do so in a friendly, polite tone.
Allow your friend to say what they want to say. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and don’t interrupt them when they are speaking.
Thank your friend for taking the time to talk to you, even if the conversation didn’t end as desired.

Forgive your friend

No matter how your friend reacts to your offers, it’s best to forgive your friend anything, even if you are still hurt. It won’t help either of you if you keep reminding yourself of the argument and how right you were (and how wrong your boyfriend was).

Know that sometimes a friendship can and cannot endure a disagreement. Be open while you try to mend the friendship, and hopefully the two of you will find each other again.
You may not fix the friendship if your friend’s behavior is consistently volatile, unpredictable, or unpredictable.

Don’t focus on what caused the argument

Instead, focus on finding a solution. Political views are very personal, and you will not find a solution by trying to force an agreement. It is better if you remind each other what you value about your friendship.

If your disagreement was about different political views, one way of reconciliation is to focus on what you have in common.
You shouldn’t feel that you have to distance yourself from your own political opinion. Be open and honest about your views and don’t feel pressured to resolve the disagreement with your friend directly.

Take a break.

Sometimes a friendship also needs a break. During a political campaign or when feelings about a particular political issue boil, you may not fix a broken friendship. Realize that you and your boyfriend can reconnect in the future, and if possible, stay open to potential reconciliation.

Do nothing or say nothing that could lead to a future rapprochement being ruled out. It does not have to be permanent if you agree to go separate ways for the time being.
Don’t feel bad about having a disagreement.

Tips

If you want to have more constructive conversations, agree with your interlocutor that you can only ask questions. In addition, during the conversation, you should not interrupt the other person speaking or evaluate what is being said.
Before embarking on a political discussion, ask yourself, “How important is it to me to talk about it now?”, “Will I remember that in a week?”

Warnings

If someone is very emotional, it can affect you too. If you’re also emotional during a conversation, it may be better not to get involved until you’ve calmed down a little.